Anatomy of a Polite Rejection Slip

If I were the editor, i would not hurt my contributors by sending them curt rejection slips. I would rather couch it in soft and soothing language holding out hope for the future. Here is a typical text of the apology letter:

Dear Contributor,

Many thanks for your contribution for what used to be known as the "middle" in the halcyon days, and now renamed the "bottom" necessitated by the sexing up of the format of your beloved newspaper. You will appreciate that sexing up would naturally en(tail)cutting the flab from the middle and depositing it at the bottom. It was one of the many ideas to boost the"bottom"line. Well, your article tickled my funnybone and had me insplits ( if it is a humorous contribution) / was thought provoking and stimulating ( if it is a serous subject)/ extremely moving (if it is a sobstory)/uplifting ( if spiritual) very germane,relevant and topical ( if political). In fact anynewspaper would be proud to publish it and reward youwith a more than normal compensation package.

NOw i must give you an idea of the time frame for publishing your article. You would be surprised to know that we receive on an average three hundred contributions a day from all over the country, from eminent writers, journalists, politicians, economists and scientists, not to speak of freelance and amateur writers. As on date, the number of selected articles has crossed 30,000 and therefore if we go strictly by first come first served principle, it will take a hundred years for your article to see the light of the day (not light years just chronlogical years).

However, there is a ray of hope. We keep the stacks of contributions in our senior editor's room and ask him to shuffle them and pull out the lucky one as they do in the Sikkim Lottery draw ( but no politician is invited at the time of draw) The lucky article is published the next day.

However, there is an element of risk in this procedure, because the treasure trove of articles is not insured. Our senior editors ( among whom you may count a fewJUGheads) are particularly fond of eating pakodas with their tea and sometimes pull out a paper or two from this stack to place the pakodas on, if the canteen boy does not bring the platters. These seniors are also lazy to go to the wash basin and draw some more papers to serve as napkins. But then, these risks are partof life for a budding or aspiring writer.

We have placed your contribution in its appropriate order in the pending stack and there they alike in trembling hope repose, no farther seek their merits to disclose. Yes, we would suggest that you keep your fingers crossed in fervent prayer for the draw to goin your favour.

Yours, etc.

Edit Page Editor

N.B. We have kept a photocopy of your contributionfor further processing and thought it fit to return the original to you as it may be of sentimental valueto you. -------------------------------------------------------Well, there you are, Mr. Edit Page Editor! Can youthink of a politer way of rejecting a contribution?Yahoo!